The Porcelain Lovers
by EventideRomance
Summary: My version of what happens after Eclipse.
1. Preface

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am just borrowing them to tell my story.**

The Porcelain Lovers

**Preface**

Now

I rested my head against the foggy mirror, my wet hair was plastered to my cheeks. The hum of the shower rung loud in my ears. A wet towel was draped lazily around my shoulders.

I lifted my hand and pressed it against the warm glass. The steam from the shower rolled around me, licking my damp skin. Even with the steam from the hot water filling the bathroom my throat felt dry and hard.

I stood up a bit straighter and turned on the sink. I filled the small glass with cool water. I closed my eyes slightly as I took a sip. But the water did nothing to quench my thirst.

A new wave of pain crashed through me, shattering my all ready broken heart. A sob escaped my throat and I dropped the glass of water.

Shards of sharp glass and cool water splattered over the bathroom tiles. I fell onto my knees in the middle of the mess.

I stared down at the blood, watching it seep into the cracks of the tiles. The edges of the cream colored rug in front of the shower turned bright red.

I barely noticed the tears as they streaked down my face. The humming screech of the shower faded away. My hair hung on either side of my face, creating a curtain. It bound me from the world.

I collapsed onto my stomach. The glass cut deep into my tender skin. But I couldn't feel the pain at all.

Silent sobs racked my body. My spine shook fiercely. I felt myself dry heave, once, twice, three times. My chest hollowed out, my heart no longer whole to fill it up.

_Why?_ I screamed in my head. _Why did it have to happen like that?_ I found myself reliving all the memories, everything I had tried to block out. I tried to whisper through my tears. But no matter how hard I tried to say the name I could not make any noise.

I stood shakily from my bed. I could now feel the sting of the glass that had cut my body. I removed the towel from my stomach. It was caked with dried blood.

I considered going to the hospital, there was a good chance I would need stitches. But I feel too hollowed out to move more then I was all ready forcing myself to.

I stared down at the gash across my stomach. It had stopped bleeding only moments before. I sighed heavily, all ready starting to burry the painful event.

I forced my body to walk to the closet and pull on a pair of jeans, wincing as the waist band rubbed against one of the smaller cuts on my left hip. I tried my best the ignore the pain as I pulled a shirt over my head.

Everything seemed to be clouded. It was like I was experiencing life and the world through a heavy fog. I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my palms against my eye lids. A small sob broke from my chest.

I collapsed onto the floor for the second time this morning. My tears soaked into the dull blue of my bedroom carpet. I pressed my palms harder against my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears. But somehow they managed to find their way around my hands and streaked down my face.

I crumpled farther towards the floor, if that was possible. My body rolled into a small ball. I rocked slightly as I shook with pain and the tears. The inside of my throat felt raw and bloody.

I cried for what seemed like hours, days, years. But the tears I shed did not dull the pain that ravaged my body and my heart. Tears couldn't stop the horrible images from playing like a silent film behind my eyes. Tears would never heal my dead heart, they would never make me feel even slightly better.

And no matter how much I wish they could, tears could never bring _him_ back to me.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One- Wedding Day**

Then

This was the first time I had really had a chance to look at myself all morning. With everything going on I had barely had the chance to breath.

I had slept over at the Cullens so Alice could start getting me ready at a ridiculously early hour. She had spent over an hour doing my hair, my makeup and then re-doing my hair. Angela, who was my other bridesmaid, showed up shortly after Alice finished with my hair for the second time.

Alice modeled her dress for me for about the hundredth time and then convinced Angela to join her for a little while. Shortly after the modeling started Angela made an excuse about having to help Jessica get ready and then having to pick Ben up. She promised she would be back soon and then quickly left.

I wanted to go into the back yard to see the decorations. Alice had been raving about them all week. I thought she would have let me see them at the rehearsal dinner but she hadn't put anything besides the table up until last night while I was sleeping.

Carlisle stopped me from leaving the house when I tried to go see the decorations. Alice wasn't going to allow me to see anything until I was walking down the aisle.

Esme had made me pancakes for breakfast. I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick, but I ate the pancakes anyway, not wanting to seem rude.

Apparently Emmett had "misplaced" his tuxedo. This caused Alice to spend almost an hour running frantically through the house looking everywhere. Emmet found his tux in his closet, exactly where it was supposed to be. If Alice had a beating heart, she would have died of a heart attack. Partly from relief, partly from rage.

I saw Jasper and Rosalie only briefly in passing. Edward was no where to be found. Alice had evidently forced him into hiding.

The house became silent as everyone diapered to get ready. Alice had dragged me to her room and dressed my like her personal Barbie doll. Of course, she insisted on re-doing both my hair and makeup until I really felt as though I was made of plastic.

I felt extremely dressed up and uncomfortable. I was not used to this much elaborate clothing or makeup. I felt stiff and unresponsive. Maybe Alice really had turned me into a doll. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was me, while at the same time I felt like I was staring at a complete stranger.

My fingers ran gently over the delicate vintage lace and the pure white satin of my wedding dress. It was a stunning dress, I was happy with Alice's choice. But I didn't feel like myself in this dress.

Marrying Edward was like a dream. I really did want him, I needed him. But, getting married seemed like such a strange concept. My mind was still trying to process it all.

I looked into the mirror again to find Alice standing beside me.

"You look beautiful." she said softly.

I smiled. "So you do." she looked better then beautiful, she was absolutely stunning. Her dress was made from black silk and embroidered with small flowers. The corset was lacy and heavily embroidered with small silver beads. I was going to look so extremely plain standing up there next to Alice and Edward and the other Cullens.

"Nervous?" Alice asked me.

"Totally." I said sheepishly. I figured it was normal for someone to be scared on their wedding day. But I couldn't help hating how unsure I was about the whole wedding.

"Come on Bella! Brighten up." Alice said, suddenly turning back into her energetic self. "You are going to be getting married in just a little while!" she squealed in happiness.

"That's what scares me." I said quietly.

"Bella, everyone gets a little nervous. It's nothing to worry about." she paused. "Besides, Edward loves you more than anyone. Everything will be just fine."

Suddenly I found my thoughts turning to Jacob. My stomach lurched. I was thankful he wasn't going to be here today. I didn't think I could stand having to see his face as Edward and I were married. I had a feeling that if Jacob had decided to come to the wedding I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted Edward. No, I needed him. He was _everything_ to me. I all ready knew that I couldn't live without him.

But . . . I loved Jake, too.

Not as much as I loved Edward, not as much as I craved and hungered for Edward. But some part of my heart was still able to love Jake.

Sometimes, I wished I could rip that part of my heart from me, if I didn't love Jake everything would be so much easier for everyone. But that love for Jake was as much a part of me as my love for Edward was.

"Don't worry about the wolves." Alice told me, almost as though she knew I was thinking about Jacob.

"It's not the wolves I'm worried about," I told her. "It's Jake." Our eyes meet in the mirror. Alice's eyes were hard and sad. She forced a smile onto her face

"Bella, he'll get over it in no time."

"I guess you're right." I said. Although part of me knew that this was killing Jacob on the inside.

"Bella!" Alice suddenly shrieked, smiling once again. "You are being much too depressing for your wedding day!" she elbowed my playfully.

"I'm sorry." I said, meaning it. A real smile managed to creep onto my lips.

"Come on." she beamed. "Esme wants to see you." Alice grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the stairs.

Esme was just as stunning as Alice. Her dress was made from pale gold satin and cream lace. Her hair hung lightly over her shoulders in huge curls. There was nothing even slightly human about her. She seemed completely of another world.

Esme came and wrapped me in her arms, hugging me tightly. "You are beautiful." she whispered in my ear.

I was no where near as beautiful as she and Alice were. I knew I shouldn't worry, it was my wedding after all. But I couldn't help feeling insignificant and plain all over again.

"Don't worry, dear." Esme said, holding me at arms length. "Everything is going to be perfect. You look wonderful." she reassured me. "So don't worry. We have everything under control."

I sighed. "I just can't help worrying about something going wrong." I admited. I looked over at Alice, she looked offended.

Jasper had been away for much of this week, hunting. No one had wanted to take any chances. Esme and I had been sure he would be all right. Even though I think everyone was concerned about Jasper being near so many humans.

He had insisted on hunting more then usual, filling himself with blood. He didn't want there to be even the slightest chance of becoming thirsty. Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie had just returned this morning for yet another hunt.

"Oh, Alice no, that wasn't what I meant." I grabbed her hand. "I'm not worried about Jasper at all. I know it will be okay."

A smile returned to Alice's face. "Besides, I can't see anything at all going wrong. Nothing. It's going to be so perfect! Oh, you and Edward are going to look so beautiful . . ." she sounded like she was living in her own world.

"Don't spoil the whole wedding for her." Esme teased.

"BELLA!" exclaimed an excited voice.

I turned around to see Angela standing behind me. She ran to me and threw her arms around me. I was shocked. Angela was always so quiet. She had been shy and reserved when I had seen her this morning. Maybe it was just her way of being nervous.

"This is so exciting!" she said, bubbling over with happiness. "You look amazing. All of you do." she said, looking at Esme and Alice and seeming a bit more nervous.

I thought that even Angela looked better then I did. Then I mentally kicked myself for being such a downer once again.

But it was true, Angela was beautiful. Her bridesmaid dress was the same Alice's, although instead of black Angela's dress was a light shade of peachy pink.

Her hair had been twisted into a tight bun on top of her head and out of her face. Her eyes were sparkling with a few unshed tears, her lips spread wide is a smile.

I grinned stupidly and hugged her again.

"Ben and Jessica are all ready outside. It's beautiful today!"

"Thank goodness. I'm so glad it is not raining today." Esme said.

"It wouldn't have mattered." Alice chirped. "I was prepared for rain or shine!"

"I love you, Alice." I told her. She beamed Even though it wasn't raining I was still glad Alice had been prepared for it. But then a thought hit me. "But won't the sun be a problem?" I asked Alice and Esme. Angela seemed confused but I was too worried to care.

"It will be fine Bella. Don't worry." Esme assured me.

Rose walked into the living room just then. "Hi Bella." she said.

"Honey, you look amazing." Esme said.

Rose was dressed in a deep red dress, it hugged her body perfectly. Her bright red heals made her legs look incredibly long. She had curled her blond hair and pinned it away from her face. I stared at her in awe. I was always amazed at how completely perfect she managed to be.

"I'm going to go, ah, find Ben." Angela said, obviously uncomfortable being near Rosalie. Rosalie looked relieved as Angela left the room.

Rose smiled at Esme, Alice and I. "You really do look lovely Bella. That dress is perfect for you."

I was shocked by her comment. I looked up at her, trying to see if she was only being sarcastic. Rosalie looked slightly melancholy. I knew what she had said was genuine.

Rosalie sighed. "Bella, you know how I feel about all of this." as she spoke I felt dread lodging itself in my stomach. "I really wish you would give being a human another chance." I was about to interrupt her, but she held up her hand. "I'm not finished," she whispered. "I've told you how I feel, but it is your choice. As much as I'd like to, I cannot make up your mind." she paused for a moment and looked away. When she looked back up at me I could see a bit of anger in her eyes, mixed with something that resembled love maybe. "You make Edward happy. He needs you, Bella. Apparently, it's as simple as that. I'm going to try and support you, I can't exactly fight your decision when everyone else agrees with it." I heard her laugh softly. "No matter what happens, I think . . . you'll make a pretty good Cullen." she smiled at me and relief filled my body.

"Thank you Rose." Esme said to her daughter. I stood there smiling, not quite knowing what to say.

"I will be glad to have you as a sister." Rose said to me. She smiled and nodded her head.

"Thank you." I couldn't expressed how grateful I was to know that she was at least no longer totally against me.

From somewhere towards the back of the house there was a large crash and bang followed by profound string of curse words.

My heart began to beat wildly as my mind flashed to the Voltrui. No! They couldn't be here yet! They had to give us more time. I thought about all the guests that would be here for the wedding.

"What on earth was that?" Alice asked slowly, sounding just as alarmed as I felt.

To everyone astonishment a wide grin broke across Rosalie's face. "That was Emmett."

"What is he doing?!" Alice wailed. "He better not have ruined the decorations." anger had filled her voice. "I will rip him to shreds if he ruins a single flower for Bella and Edward's wedding."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Esme said, starting to follow Rosalie to the back of the house. "It's is nothing, right?" she asked Rose under her breath.

Alice turned to look at me. Her eyes wide in horror.

"Alice? What's wrong?"

"Your hair!"

"What . . ."

"Come with me, we have got to fix your hair again."

"Oh, please, Alice no." I begged. But she was all ready dragging me up the stairs to her room. I tried not to trip over my skirt. The last thing I needed was to rip my wedding dress.

"You don't look like my little girl anymore." Charlie said softly in my ear for the fifth time. I clutched his arm tighter. "It's okay, Bells." he reassured me.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"I think your mother said the same thing to her father on our wedding day." he chuckled. I wondered if that was supposed to make me feel better. Their marriage hadn't exactly worked out.

I heard the music begin to play from the speakers set up in the back yard. _Oh god, oh god, oh god. It's started!_ My stomach was rolling around and around. I wanted to jump up and down and start screaming. I was so completely filled with adrenaline.

"Calm down Bells." Charlie whispered.

But I couldn't calm down. I listened to the music that was playing. It wasn't the traditional wedding music, it was Edward's piano music. This was one of the few things both Alice and I had agreed on. Edward on the other hand had protested. But together Alice and I had forced him to record some of his music onto a CD to play for the wedding.

In my head I could see Alice and Jasper walking down the aisle together, I had watched them only a hundred times.

Too soon Charlie and I were walking around the corner, stepping onto the white carpet and moving slowly down the aisle. To the music of my lullaby.

I couldn't help looking around at all the faces. I saw Jessica in one of the back rows, she smiled as our eyes connected. But she looked strange, slightly withdrawn. Mike sat next to her with a ridiculously jealous look on his face. I fought the urge to laugh. Tyler and Eric and Lauren and Austin were sitting there also. It turned out that about half the senior class had showed up. But I didn't bother to be angry with Alice.

I was glad to be wearing flats as I stumbled slightly. Thankfully Charlie caught my arm tighter and no one seemed to notice.

A few people snapped pictures of me as I walked, making my stomach turn more. I saw Renee and Phil in the front row. Renee all ready had tears in her eyes. Carlisle and Esme sat on the other side of the aisle, Rosalie next to them. Carlisle and Esme smiled brightly as I walked closer to them. Both looked utterly beautiful.

Charlie and I stopped, just as practiced. I turned to look at him. He looked very emotional, I could tell he was trying not to cry. He kissed my cheek awkwardly. "I love you, Bells." and walked to his seat next to Renee.

I turned. Both Emmett and Jasper were beautiful and stunning in their matching dark tuxedos. Emmett was dark in the black tux and his dark curly hair. Jasper was the combination of dark and light, honey colored hair against the dark fabric of the tux. Their pale skin was beautiful and almost like a blinding light.

Emmett raised his hands in a thumbs up gesture. "You didn't trip." he mouthed silently. I could see the vibration of his chest and he rumbled with silent laughter. Jasper elbowed him softly.

Alice smiled at me as I glanced up at her. She was dazzling and her dress was beautiful. Angela somehow managed not to look normal and boring next to the vampires. She was bright with happiness. While her eyes were not perfect and golden, her skin was not pale, she still looked completely beautiful. She was gorgeous in her own human way.

I noticed that the vampires were standing directly under the archway. The sun was low in the sky, it was after noon. The sun did not hit them directly although I thought their skin might have been glowing slight. Alice was very smart and very prepared.

I took one more step and turned my body to face that of a god. Edward stood in front of me, looking just absolutely breath taking.

I was instantly captured in his topaz eyes that held so much love for me. His pale lips formed a smile, my mouth mimicked his. I felt happy, the nerves faded away. It was just Edward and me standing up there. No one else was there. I felt like our love was a physical force between us, growing and consuming us, pushing us together.

The wedding passed as though a dream, everything seemed to happen at once. Someone slipped a ring onto my finger, someone said words that floated around my head. I felt my mouth moving to speak.

I heard Edward's sweet velvet voice. "I Edward, take you Isabella, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish you and I will love you more each day than I did the day before, I promise to love you unconditionally. I give you my hand, my love, my heart, and my soul from this day forward. Death will not part us. I promise that I could never stop loving you, I will love you forevermore. Where you go I will go and where you stay I will stay. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried . . ."

Tears formed in my eyes as I listened to his vows. I said mine as his cold thumbs were brushing away my tears.

Then his mouth was pressed against mine, his hand on the small of my back. I stroked his face with my hand, drinking in his smell, his taste.

We were married. Now it seemed like something so simple. But to me it didn't matter that we were married. I loved him with all my heart no matter what.

We pulled apart and walked back down the aisle. Renee was sobbing, a huge smile spread across her face, from ear to ear. Charlie was trying not to cry although he continued to dab at he eyes while trying to comfort Renee. Phil was even looking a little teary-eyed as he rubbed my mom's back. Esme rested her head on Carlisle's shoulder looking overwhelmed with happiness. Mike still looked ridiculous but even he couldn't help smiling.

Edward and I walked away from the crowd of people, the music fading away into background noise. He picked my up and ran to the front of the house in a second. He held me tightly in his arms and kissed me for a long moment. I was crying in happiness once again.

"Oh how I love you, my dearest Bella." he whispered against my collar bone. I held his face in my hands and pressed my lips to his again and again.

Cool arms wrapped around my waist. I gasped as Edward pulled me to his chest. I had been in the middle of talking to my mom and Phil. But now I had completely forgotten what I was going to say. Renee and Phil grinned and walked to the table where Charlie and Carlisle were talking.

I turned to face Edward. Who had become my husband just moments before. It was a delightful thought, but a strange one all the same.

"Did I tell you how stunning you are?" he breathed.

"Not that I can remember." I smiled and pressed my ear against his chest.

"Ah, what a fool I am." he kissed the top of my head. "You look purely breath taking."

"I could say the same about you." I whispered back and closed my eyes. It felt so good to be here in Edward's arms.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. I wished he would never let go. I felt myself falling into him, being absorbed once again into a world where we were the only ones who existed.

Until Tyler and Mike started to shout at us from across the lawn. "KISS HER!" Tyler screamed.

"Come on! You know you wanna!" Mike said.

"KISS HER! KISS HER!" they began to shout. A few others joined in.

My eyes snapped open and my cheeks turned bright red.

"Cut it out!" I heard Jessica saying. "God, you're such jerks."

Edward cupped my face in his cool hands. "Should we give them what they ask for?" he didn't wait for my response. His cool lips pressed against mine. I felt myself opening up to him.

The moment our lips met I heard Mike and Tyler stop shouting. I had a feeling the boys hadn't actually wanted Edward to kiss me. I smiled beneath his granite lips.

Edward slowly pulled away from me and lead me to the table where Angela, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Carlisle, Esme, Renee, Charlie, and Phill were seated.

I sank slowly into my chair next to Alice, Edward sat next to me. Edging his chair closer to mine. Someone stopped the music that had been playing. Everyone found a place to sit.

I looked out across the Cullens backyard. Somehow Alice had managed to set out beautiful marble patio blocks to make a dance floor.

I stared once more at the beautiful decorations. Alice had placed silky white ribbons in all of the trees. Tables had been placed across the grass, making more then enough room for everyone. Flower petals of every color were scattered through the trees, across the dance floor, the tables and the lawn.

As people settled down and began to talk quietly among each other Alice stood up and called for everyone's attention.

I began to blush, knowing that she was going to make a speech about Edward and I getting married. I knew it was coming, but now that she was actually standing up and opening her mouth to speak it seemed incredibly embarrassing.

"First I want to welcome you all and thank you for coming." she beamed at everyone seated in front of our table. "It means so much to my family and I. It means even more to Edward and Bella." Alice turned to smile at us. I thought she sounded horribly fake.

I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't lie to myself. I could have cared less about whether or not half of these people had shown up for the wedding.

"Some of you have known Bella since she was just a child," Alice glanced at my parents. I noticed how she said nothing at all about anyone knowing Edward as a kid. "Many of you have only know Edward and Bella for a few years.

"But regardless of how long you have known them, you have supported them through all of their decisions and helped them through their lives." Alice somehow managed to make all of this sound convincing. I knew that she was making it sound like much more then it was. Besides the Cullens and my parents, Angela was probably the only person who actually had a chance of fitting the description Alice had just given.

"Today is a very special day. All of you have watched as Edward and Bella grew to know and love each other. You watched their love progress beyond a high school fling. You saw how these two wonderful people found out what true love really is." Alice paused for a moment. Renee was sobbing again, I was sure everyone here was able to hear her. Esme handed her a Kleenex.

"You have all witnessed two halves become a whole. Anyone could see that just by looking at these two together." Alice pointed at Edward and I. "What they have is so much more then the love other people experience. They are so lucky to have found something so precious at such a young age. So many people go through life never knowing this kind of love. But look at Edward and Bella. It's impossible not to see how damn perfect they are for each other." Alice paused again. I could tell she was getting really emotional. I hadn't realized my eyes were filling with tears until they fell softly over my cheeks.

"Edward and Bella have a rare connection. You have all been lucky to see that connection form and grow. All of you should feel privileged." she smiled mischievously. "Thank you again, for coming to their wedding." Alice finished before I was forced to start sobbing.

Everyone began to clap. Renee was still sobbing while both Phil and Charlie were trying to comfort her again. I looked out at everyone else. Mike and Tyler were looking oddly miserable. I was shocked to see some emotion on Lauren's face. It seemed as if something Alice had said had touched her in some way.

I leaned over the arm of my chair and wrapped my arms around Alice.

"That was so corny," I whispered into her ear. "But thank you."

"You're welcome." she said and hugged me tightly.

I turned back to Edward, my mouth meeting his. I thought about what Alice had said. The last part of her speech had been true. Well, except for the small part about find precious love at a young age. I may have been young, but Edward on other hand . . .

"Anyone hungry?" Emmett stood up and asked.

I had to laugh. I knew none of the Cullens would be eating tonight, but I could only guess that everyone else was starving. I knew I was.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the meal. The Cullens got away without having to eat anything. Well, except Edward who was forced (by Emmett) to eat some wedding cake. Jasper and Emmett pretended to eat food for awhile. But I think they were just rearranging it on their place for the most part.

I could swear that Mike, Eric, and Tyler ate more then everyone else combined. They shoveled plates of food into their mouth like they had never eaten food before in their lives. Maybe it was just because it was free.

As people finished eating the music was turned on again and people moved back onto the glorious dance floor Alice had created. Currently the floor was inhabited by several of the kids from my senior class including Ben, Angela, Tyler and Lauren. Emmett and Rosalie glided though the group, causing everyone else to look utterly ungraceful. But I guess I wasn't exactly one to be criticizing.

I can assure you that there will also be no father daughter dance at this wedding. Both for my sake and Charile's. But also for the sake of everyone else.

Edward and I sat calmly as people came to congratulate us .Edward would get tense off an on when he picked up on a thought he didn't like. There were a few people who seemed skeptical about us being married. Even my parents had thought it was a bad idea. Charlie had blown up after I told him.

I still remembered the yelling clearly. And how he hadn't spoken to me for the next three days. Then he refused to be in the same room as Edward for nearly a month. Finally Renee talked some sense into him. I don't know what exactly she had said, but it worked.

I watched as Phil and Renee walk out onto the dance floor. The music had slowed down and people were partnering up. I recognized this song as another one by Edward. I smiled as I watched everyone twirling and swaying.

"You do know that you're going to have to dance sometime tonight." Alice said in my ear. I groaned at the thought.

"It won't be that bad." Edward said.

I knew he was right. I hadn't been looking forward to prom, but that had turned out just fine.

"Come." Edward beckoned and stood. I sighed and took the hand he held out for me.

People began to clap as Edward and I walked out to dance. That just made the moment that much worse. I was thankful I didn't fall as I walked onto the patio blocks.

Everyone moved to the edge of the dance floor, making room for us to dance. Edward lifted my feet onto the tops of his. He rested his hands lightly on my waist. I wrapped mine up around his neck as the music changed to my lullaby.

As Edward began to twirl gracefully across the marble blocks I could hear him humming in my ear. I smiled and rested my head against his chest. He placed his chin on top of my head and continued to swirl and hum.

After a few minutes people began to couple up again and continue dancing. I became more nervous as people danced around me. I was afraid of bumping into someone and falling over. Edward seemed to sense my nerves. He wrapped his arms around me, to protect me from the other dancers.

I looked up and saw the other Cullens dancing around Edward and I. Alice peeked around Jasper's arm and winked at me.

Somehow all the Cullens seemed to be dancing the exact same way. Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, had formed a circle around us in the center of the dance floor. They were like a barrier between Edward and I and the world around us. I grinned and placed my cheek against Edward's chest again.

"See, this isn't quite so bad." he whispered.

I nodded in agreement. It was actually quite wonderful.

I could see the people outside the little circle. They passed by in a whirl of color. I could see Jessica in her annoyingly blue dress dancing with Mike who kept laughing. He seemed quite bubbly. I wondered if he might have had some champagne. As long as he didn't plan on being pathetic and getting totally drunk, I didn't care one bit.

Charlie was still sitting at the table talking to Ben's parents. Renee was dancing with Phil, but her eyes kept shifting to where I was dancing with Edward. I unwrapped one of my arms from around Edward's neck and waved to her. She seemed more comfortable now that she knew I hadn't totally forgotten about her.

The music got louder and more obnoxious. I looked up at Edward, begging he wouldn't make me continue to dance. He smiled his crooked smile and lead me off the dance floor.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he said quietly as we sat down again. I looked into his eyes. As long as I was with him I was enjoying myself.

Edward placed his hand on the small of my back. He leaned over and pressed his lips to my collar bone. "I love you," he breathed against my skin. "more than anything in the world." he slowly moved his lips up my neck and to my lips. His hand slid across my waist and wrapped around my back.

He kissed me for a long moment. I was completely aware that Charlie's eyes were glued to us. Edward chuckled as he kissed me again.

"What?" I murmured against his cool lips.

"Your father is wondering if he should be giving you another s e x talk before you spend the night." Edward said quietly into my ear. I blushed furiously.

Edward pulled me into his lap. I rested my head back against his shoulder. I couldn't help glancing over at Charlie every now and then. He was talking to Ben's parents again. But I could tell that he was still watched Edward and I.

As the night went of and the sky got darker Alice lite the flamboyant torches set around the yard. I watched the flames lick the sky, it was quite hypnotizing.

More laughter erupted from the end of the table where Phil, Renee, Charlie, and some of the parents of the students sat. Either everyone thought Phil had a wonderful sense of humor or they were just trying to be polite. But from the tears of laughter that had formed in some people's eyes, I was guessing they all thought him very funny.

Charlie had thankfully loosened up again and stopped watching me and Edward. Now he was looking at Renee, almost a sad glint in his eyes.

Alice sighed and walked to the end of the table. "Come on, Charlie." she said and held out her hand.

"What are you doing Alice?" he asked as she took his wrist and pulled him out of his chair.

"We are going dancing. You haven't even set foot on the dance floor yet."

"Oh Alice. I don't feel like dancing." Charlie insisted, but it wasn't very heartfelt.

"Do it for Bella." Alice giggled.

"I'm so sure she would love to see her father make a fool of himself." Charlie said, causing me to grin.

"Bella! Edward! You come dance too." Alice called to us.

Edward held out his hand. I took it and followed Alice and Charlie onto the patio blocks once more.

Edward wrapped his arms around me. The flames from the torches made his pale face look haunting and beautiful. The bright orange flames reflected in his topaz eyes.

Alice's bell-like laughter rang out across the yard. I looked over to where Alice was trying to teach Charlie how to dance. Alice was so graceful she managed to make Charlie seem a bit less ungraceful.

But just a bit.

He continued to trip over his own feet, and he stepped on Alice's dress hem every few steps.

"I can see where Bella's grace comes from." Alice teased.

The four of us danced for a long time. Well, it was more Alice and Edward dancing, Charlie stumbling and tripping, and me standing on Edward's feet when Charlie wasn't looking then stumbling around when he was. I didn't want him to feel too bad or to wonder if I was on dance coordination enhancing drugs.

After awhile Charlie began to complain of aching feet. The four of us retired to our table with smiles spread across our faces. As we sat back down Esme and Carlisle came and sat with us.

"That was, um, interesting." Carlisle murmured.

"What?" I asked him.

"We were just inside," he paused for a moment, a funny look crossed his face. "There were two kids kissing on our porch."

I looked around the dance floor and the tables spread across the yard. I found all of the kids from our senior class that had attended the wedding. Except Mike and Jessica. I burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked me.

"I think Mike and Jess decided to get back together." I said. Ben and Angela laughed.

Alice giggled. "Apparently they were feeling the love."

The moon was almost full tonight. It rose high, huge, and bright over the Cullen mansion. The night was cool but not cold. Everyone seemed to be warm enough with all the dancing and the warmth from the torches.

I cuddled closer to Edward's cold body. He nestled his head into the crook of my neck. His lips pressed against the nape of my neck.

Even though music was blasting through the speakers, even though people were constantly talking and shouting and laughing, even though the sound of heels clicking loudly over the patio blocks was insistent, I couldn't have been calmer.

I was here with Edward in this perfect atmosphere. Everyone seemed alive and happy. It was wonderful to see so many smiling faces and see the people I cared about happy.

But suddenly I looked around at everything and saw what I was leaving behind. I stated to think of the wedding as being a secret goodbye party. I was saying farewell to my old life, soon I would be a vampire. I didn't realize I was crying again until I felt Edward's cool lips kissing my tears away.

"Love? What's wrong?" he cooed in my ear.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my voice was thick with tears.

"There is no need to apologize." Edward said.

I turned in his lap and held his face in my hands. I felt happiness rush through me again. I knew what I was giving up, and yes I would miss some things. But none of it mattered as much to me as Edward did. I pulled his face to mine, kissing him deeply. Not caring who was watching. I gapped at Emmett later that night as he came and informed us that it was almost midnight.

"You have to be kidding me!" Angela said.

Ben glanced down and check his watch. "Nope, he's right. It's 11:56. And this party is still going strong." he laughed and pointed to the dance floor.

Mike and Jess had returned, red cheeked. Now they were dancing wildly next to Tyler and Lauren who were grinding. I rolled my eyes.

"I never thought they had it in them." Emmett remarked. Rosalie reached over and punched him lightly. At least, lightly for a vampire.

Renne and Phil came over shortly after that. "You mother is getting tired, and we have a flight to catch in the morning." Phil said.

"You're leaving so soon?" I asked, standing from Edward's lap. Not that it mattered. I knew tonight would be the last time I saw anyone before being turned. Nerves built in my stomach again.

"I'm sorry we have to go so soon." Renee said. She was starting to cry again.

"It's okay mom." I said and wrapped her tight in a hug.

"You were so beautiful today." she whispered. "I'm so proud." she pulled away and bent to hug Edward. He looked surprised for a moment before putting his arms around her and hugging back.

"We are both so happy for you." Renee said. She took Phil's hand and dabbed at her eyes.

"Goodbye Bella, goodbye Edward." he said.

I found myself throwing my arms around Phil, hugging him too. This really was goodbye.

Soon after Phil and Renee left Charlie came to say goodbye also. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him for the longest time. "I love you, dad." I said.

"I love you too, Bells." he said laughing at my bursts of emotion. Charlie waved goodbye to the rest of the Cullens and left. I watched him walk up the hill until I couldn't see him any more. I sunk back into Edward's lap.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to. It's no too late."

"No, Edward we are not having this discussion again."

"I love you Bella, more then anything. I just want you to be happy."

"That's why I'm doing this. You make me happy. I don't want any thing besides you. I want to be with you forever." I turned a looked him directly in the eye. "I have no doubt in my mind about doing this." I said fiercely. Edward seemed to believe me.

I looked down at the end of the table where Ben and Emmett were talking avidly. I didn't know what it was about, I could only see Ben moving his hands wildly as he spoke. Alice seemed to be explaining something about dresses to Angela. Everyone was dancing or talking, just enjoying themselves.

I laughed as Edward explained what a few of the people dancing were thinking about. I never would have guessed the thoughts that came from some people. It was hysterical.

As if by a magnetic force my eyes were drawn to the edge of the forest farthest from the party. I didn't see him at first, standing in the dark forest in an unattractive black tuxedo. But my eyes quickly picked out the figure of Jacob Black. Jacob smiled when he saw me looking at him. His white teeth shone brightly against his dark face.

I thought my heart stopped for a moment, before beating faster then I thought possible. I felt my stomach crashing through my body to me feet.

Edward instantly picked up on my heartbeat. He sat up, almost dumping me off his lap, completely aware. His eyes followed mine and his grip on me tightened as he saw Jacob standing in the woods. A loud snarl rumbled in his chest.

"Edward? Are you all right?" Angela asked.

"Edward is fine. He just has problems with heartburn." Emmett said tightly, his eyes glued to Jacob.

"Oh . . . okay." Angela said.

I looked at Alice. She gave me a fearful smile that I thought was supposed to be reassuring. I looked back to the spot where Jacob was standing, but now, he was gone. There was nothing there besides the huge trees.

The darkness that had been calming only moments before now seemed ominous and as though it was a weapon that could be used against me. I clutched Edward tighter. He wrapped me in his arms protectively.

The Cullens were tense and watchful. It took long hours for everyone to finally decide it might be time to leave.

"Bye Bella." Angela chirped dragging Ben away from us. "We're heading out." she glanced at Jessica. "I think I'll bring Jess with me."

"And I will be taking Mike off your hands." Ben said. "Bye everyone!" Ben and Angela turned to gather Mike and Jess and then left.

Slowly the rest of the crowd cleared out. I realized that it was well after midnight. It was morning now.

Jasper went to turn off the music that was blasting from the speakers. Edward stood and carried me into the house. Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice were like our shadows until we reached the inside of the house. I noticed that once we were inside Emmett and Jasper returned outside where Carlisle and Esme still were.

I had a feeling that they weren't cleaning up from the wedding.

"I am not wearing that!" I practically screamed.

"Aww, come on Bella! Edward will love it!" Alice insisted.

She was standing in front of her closet holding up a beautiful white night gown. It was floor length and lacy, but it was also low cut and looked like it could be see through.

"There is no way you are getting me to wear that." I told her, sitting on the bed.

Fifteen minutes I was sitting back on Alice's bed while she brushed through my hair. I was wearing the nightgown.

"There. I'm all done." Alice said as she finished brushing out my hair and arranging it across my shoulder and down my back. "Go look." she said and pushed me in front of the full length mirror.

I stood in front of the mirror. But the girl looking back was not me. Alice peaked over the girl's shoulder.

"Ooo, Bella's got curves!" she teased and poked me in the side.

"Shut up Alice!" I started blushing.

The nightgown really was beautiful. I realized that I sort of had an hourglass figure. Something no one really would have noticed while looking at me in jeans and a sweat shirt.

It turned out that the nightgown wasn't totally see through either. It was made from the softest cotton I had ever felt. It was so comfortable.

The lace was pure white and silky. The skirt of the nightgown swished around my legs as I walked. It would have made a better evening gown than a nightgown.

"Edward is going to be all over you." Alice said.

I started to feel nervous again. Finally it was almost time, this was what I had been waiting for. I just hadn't imagined I would be so nervous.

Or so tired.

I tried to wake myself up. Even the nerves couldn't manage that. I laid next to Alice on her bed. The image of Jake's face was still fresh in my mind.

"I'm sorry I didn't see it coming, Bella." Alice said into the silence.

I didn't have to ask what she meant. Neither of us seemed to be able to get our minds off of Jacob's sudden appearance.

"Of course you didn't." I said. I knew Alice couldn't see the wolves.

"But that's not a good enough excuse. I should have noticed a blank or something!" she said in frustration.

"Alice, don't be so hard on yourself. Nothing happened."

"Everyone is stressed now. I ruined your wedding!"

"Alice," I placed my hand on her arm and looked at her. "You didn't do anything. It's fine, really."

"He crossed the line!" I heard Emmett saying in the hallway outside Alice's room. His voice was hushed but filled with anger.

"But no one was hurt. He did nothing." Carlisle stated calmly.

"That _dog_ crossed the line, Carlisle." Emmett spat.

"Calm down, Emmett. We don't want to start a fight now." Carlisle reasoned. I heard Emmett stomping past the door. Anger seemed to fill every foot step.

"It's nothing." I said looking back at Alice. "Everything will be fine." I said. But I didn't quite believe my own words.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two- Cruel Insanity**

Now

I stared down and the blood stain on my shirt. Under normal circumstances I might have cared. But after spending hours crumpled on my bedroom floor, watching over and over the memories that I thought I had buried, I didn't care about much.

I slowly stood, my head still whirling, and walked out of my small bedroom. I tripped over my own feet as I walked up the stairs to the living room.

As if operating on auto-drive I walked into the small kitchen and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I tried to take a sip, but the liquid burned as it ran down my raw throat. I spit the juice over the counter, sputtering and coughing. Fires ignited inside my throat.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain. Suddenly my chest began to ache. The pain spread, like a . . . _like a hole._

"NO!" I cried. "Not again!" I wrapped my arms tightly around my torso and sunk to the kitchen floor. "No, please, no." I whispered.

I pressed my arms harder against my chest. The cuts screamed in pain, but I had to hole myself together. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stand. My breathing was ragged and shallow.

I leaned heavily against the counter top. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a blinking red number on the answering machine. I slowly eased myself into the stool and pressed the play button. The first message was from Phil.

"Hello Bella." he paused. "We haven't heard from you in awhile." another pause. "You're mother is getting worried, could you call when you get the chance?" _Beep. _

The second was from the my landlord. Something about having to pay rent. I'd do that later. Maybe.

My mind forgot to listen to the third message, and the forth.

"Hi Bella!" said a bright voice as the fifth message played for my ears. "It's Angela," she paused. I heard her voice again, this time it was muffled. "Ben! Get over here!"

"Hey Bella, it's Ben!" said a deep voice.

"We haven't seen you in forever!" Angela chirped. "What are you up to these days? Is collage going well? Oh," uncomfortable silence. "that's right . . . so how are you liking the apartment? Is the rent okay? Have you made any new friends?" her questions continued for what seemed like endless days. I thought of Angela faintly. Hadn't she been shy? I couldn't remember clearly. Either way, she didn't sound shy at all now. _Beep._ Angela had hung up or run out of time and been cut off.

"Hey Bells." I heard Charlie's voice faintly. "Haven't talked in awhile, have we?" the rest of his message was unimportant because the pain from the hole was too great.

I clutched my torso again as the hole flared to life. The phone began to ring loudly in my ears. My head was pounding and the world was swimming before my eyes. The phone continued to ring, causing me to feel like I was going to throw up.

I heard my voice as the answering machine picked up. "Hi, you've reached Bella Cull" my automated voice quickly corrected itself. "Swan. I'm not hear right now but if you would leave a message and your number I will get back to you as soon as I can." _Beep. _

"Bella?" said a deep voice. My head shot up and the world came back into focus. I felt my heart speed up, ripping through my ribs. "Hey Bella. It's me, Jake."

My eyes widened and I stopped blinking, my heart died in my chest. The hole ripped me wide open. Every single memory I thought I had rid myself of rushed back to me.

Rage boiled under my skin, ready to burst forward and kill anything in my way. Tears of pain, sadness, and anger sprung into my eyes. They rolled over my face, burning my chafed skin.

I stood up too quickly and knocked over the stool. "YOU BASTARD!" I screeched. My arm swung and connected with the phone and answering machine. There was a loud crash as they flew onto the floor, breaking apart.

"I HATE you!" I screamed. The sane part of me told me to shut up before the neighbors came. The other part of me told me to just keep on screaming. "You bastard!" the tears began to come harder and hotter.

I clutched at my torso as the hole grew bigger and bigger. It was worse then I ever remembered it. As it reached the edges of my body it threatened to envelope me entirely.

I sank to my knees. My head throbbed as it hit the linoleum floor. I fell asleep to the taste of my tears, the tormenting pain, and the face of a god covered in blood.

I wished it was reality, and not my mind taunting me.

Days passed too slowly, the nights sleeplessly. I felt myself moving closer towards nonexistence with every moment. I was splitting open and unraveling.

I was falling into myself, completely unaware of everything around me. I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I never left my bedroom. But even there I could not find safety.

The lights were blinding and forced me to see the things around me. In the dark I could see _his_ face. I could always hear _his_ voice.

_Their_ voices were like white noise. And no matter what I did I couldn't block them out.

Sometimes I could hear the noises of the outside world faintly through my window. I was reminded of the sane life I pretended I had. I pretended I didn't sometimes have nightmares about vampires and werewolves. I pretended I was just as normal as everyone else. I tried hard for the first quarter of collage. I tried to stay in close contact with my family and friends.

But I felt like everyone was waiting for me to break down. They were waiting for me to become the zombie again. I could almost hear all of them thinking _It had happened before, why wouldn't it happen now? _So they all patiently waited.

They didn't have to wait long. I was over come by the memories before even a semester of collage was over. First my grades dropped when I found it hard to think about anything besides the nightmare of my life. After that I just wasn't able to do the work. I sat in my dorm at night, unable to sleep. I cried when I could.

It seemed like every single thing around me was a reminder. Like someone out there wanted me to feel the pain I had tried so hard to banish.

I dropped out of collage. I couldn't do my work, I didn't have a job, I could not pay for anything. I left the campus and thought about going back to Forks. But Charlie couldn't handle me when I was like this. I thought about going to live with Renee and Phil. But it would be wrong to burden them.

I didn't have anyone to turn to. So I closed myself off for awhile and became numb. This was the time in my life I could barely remember.

There were a few things I did remember from those months. I remembered being stuck here, trapped by my own thoughts. I remembered the constant phone calls from my worried family and friends. I could still remember the many sleepless nights.

I remembered Jacob Black.

His face was still clear in my mind. I hated myself for loving him . . . but years back when the hole had started to kill me Jake had filled me back up. In a way he had saved me. But he couldn't help me now . . .

Jacob had tried to help me again. Once I had found this apartment he had gotten the address from Charlie and came to visit me. The more he tried to help the worse everything got.

Because I Jake I shut down the memories. I blocked out the pain and I learned to go on like nothing had ever happened.

I built up a wall and threw him and all the pain over the edge, barricadingeverything. I tried to go on like nothing was wrong. For almost a year and a half I succeeded in doing that.

Until now . . .


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three- Heart's Ease**

Then

Edward and I were going to be married in two weeks. It seemed like such a long time to wait, but at the same time it was coming all too fast.

The sun warmed my body as I laid on my back in our meadow. Edward sat next to me, his fingers entwined in mine. He raised my hand to his mouth and pressed his lips against my palm.

I looked up into his golden eyes. His skin glowed in the sunlight, his lips were light lavender. I reached up and brushed my fingers through his bronze hair.

In one swift movement Edward rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of his chest. "I love you." he whispered.

I felt my heart soaring. Everything was so perfect, it was dreamlike. I wanted nothing more than to stay in Edward's arms forever. It seemed like I just might be able to do that. I smiled and kissed his lips softly.

His arms folded around my body while he kissed me back. "My beautiful Bella." Edward murmured against my ear. "How can I ever show you how much I love you?"

"You don't have to," I told him. "I all ready know."

Edward kissed my forehead gently. He groaned slightly as is pressed his nose into my hair and breathed me in. He cupped my face in his hands and placed his lips softly against mine. Edward began to kiss me with a fiery passion. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just stay right here, forever?" he said as though he actually could hear my thoughts.

"Why can't we?" I asked while my heart raced in my chest, breathless from his kiss.

"Because Alice would kill us." he chuckled. "All that work put into a wedding with no bride or groom."

"She would live." I smiled. I ran my fingers along his sparkling cheekbones. It was as though a million little diamonds lay beneath the stone surface of his skin.

Edward laid his head against the ground. I kissed his closed eyelids. His arms tightened around my waist. I could feel his hands stroking my hair. I rested my head against his shoulder, my lips brushing against his neck. He sighed blissfully.

Being here with Edward was all I could want. I thought, for the millionth time, about how much I loved him.

The sun warmed my back, the clouds were light, fluffy and white in the sky. A slight breeze whispered through the branches of the huge trees and lightly wove it's way through the grass around Edward and I.

I felt Edward move his head slightly. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful face staring down at me. His lips formed a smile. I huddled closer to him, wishing I could be ever closer to his cold body.

We laid there for hours upon hours. Talking lightly, or just drinking in the presence of each other. Laying in the comfortable silence that surrounded us. We tangled our fingers through each others hair, unaware of what we were doing. I watched as Edward watched the wind blowing the clouds across the sky, the leaves on the trees. I watched his eyes connect with mine, felt them on my face as I looked at the sun.

Nothing could have been more perfect than the hours we spent together in our meadow.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four- Nightmares**

Now

My lids grew heavy, my body was screaming in exhaustion. I didn't know how much longer I could elude sleep. I fell towards the mattress feeling like a battered sack. My eyes forced themselves closed no matter how hard I tried to keep them open.

Sleep sucked me in and brought me under.

His face was just as perfect as I remembered. His soft topaz eyes captured me and froze my body. All the pain disappeared, the hole was no longer there.

I reached out, my hunger to touch him was eating away at me. But I couldn't reach. I tried to move my body, but I was frozen where I was. I stretched my arm farther. I used all my energy trying to reach him. But no matter how hard I tried I could not touch him.

Tears of frustration blurred my vision. His beautiful face began to fade away. "I love you, Bella." I heard his velvet voice whisper.

I blinked quickly, the tears fell down my cheeks. Sweat broke out of my forehead. It was incredibly hot now.

My head whipped around. Flames licked at my legs and arms. They crawled up the lacy nightgown I was suddenly dressed in. I watched the charred fabric falling away from my legs and turning into smoking piles on the floor.

The fire ravaged around me. Burning everything in sight. The air became thick with smoke and impossible to breath in.

"BELLA!" I heard a voice screaming.

I whipped around, but I could see no one.

"RUN!" the same voice shouted again.

I looked around frantically, looking for a face. But the fire surrounded me completely I couldn't see anyone, or anywhere to run to.

"BELLA! Please, just go!" in an instant I recognized who the voice belonged to. _Esme._

"What? Where are you?" I gaged on the smoke as I inhaled.

"Please, Bella go!" Esme said again.

I continued to cough and choke on the smoke that was thick in the air. My head began to swirl as the fire used up all of the oxygen in the room. I tried to breath, but I only inhaled smoke.

Cold, iron hard arms wrapped around me, knocking me to the floor. I hit my head hard on wooden steps. My head was jerked upward, I found myself staring into a pair of frantic golden eyes.

"EDWARD!" I sat upright in my dark bed room. I was shivering, from fear and cold. I was safe, at least, safe from a fire. "Edward! EDWARD?!" I screamed his name over and over. The name I hadn't uttered in two years.

I stared at the closet doors across the room, not really seeing the dark, chipped wood. I kept hearing the words repeating in my head. _"BELLA! RUN! BELLA! Please, just go!" _Esme's voice was clear inside my head.

My lips kept moving, "Edward, Edward . . ." but no sound came out. I sat there in the silence, listening to the taunting words.

Every time I blinked the fire roared to life again. Sobs broke away from my chest, warm tears rolled down my cheeks and into my lap. My lips kept moving to form his name long after I had given up trying to control them.

The hole in my chest grew larger with every tear I shed. I was sure that if I looked down I would see that my body had been consumed by the hole, eaten away. Or I would see myself split into fragments, no longer a whole being.

I could feel the memories pushing their way into my head. Sooner or later the pain would consume me. I felt my heart disintegrating into nothingness as everything finally flooded back to me, again.

Now I just didn't have the strength to hold back the pain of memories long over.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five- Devastating Desolation**

Then

"You look astounding." Edward said as I walked into his arms. He laid down on the bed in the middle of his room, pulling me down next to him. He kissed my lightly, his hand resting naturally on the small of my back.

My mind was still playing Emmett's words over and over. I couldn't stop thinking about Jake or how much Alice was blaming herself. I could feel that everyone was stressed. I knew it was all my fault.

"You seem troubled." Edward sounded concerned. I looked up into his caring and worried eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I mumbled, feeling horrible about myself.

"Shh." He placed his finger over my lips to quiet me. "No, don't apologize." he thought for a moment. "I am the one that should be sorry." he brushed my hair away from my face and ran his thumb over my lips. "But I might be able to take your mind off of things." he rolled me onto my back and straddled my hips. "You know, we haven't had much alone time today." he chuckled.

"Alice is quite possessive, isn't she?" I joked. Edward didn't reply. He bent his head and kissed my lips. My arms moved to encircle his neck, I twined my fingers through his hair.

I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I was so close to my new life, I could almost reach out a touch it. I was prepared for any amount of pain. If it allowed me to be with Edward forever, I didn't care.

I heard someone running downstairs. I figured Emmett was still a little angry about the incident with Jacob. I pushed the unwelcome thoughts from my mind.

I pulled myself closer to Edward. I took a deep breath. I thought for a moment about Charlie and Renee and Phil, and Angela and Ben and all my human friends. Tonight had been good bye. While they all thought I was going off to collage, I was really starting a whole new life. Shedding my old skin.

I felt myself letting go of everything and everyone I had grown to love. Everyone except Edward and the Cullens. My new family.

I pushed slightly on Edward's shoulders. I felt him shifting on top of me, rolling onto his back and pulling me onto him.

Our mouths molded together in passion. He kissed me deeper then he ever had before. I loved the idea of being able to kiss him like this all the time. Soon we would have no worries, I would be just like him.

I felt myself shaping perfectly to Edward's body, and his to mine. It was amazing how perfectly we fit together.

His fingers knotted through my hair, as though he were weaving patterns and making a piece of art.

"I love you." I heard myself saying as Edward kissed my throat. He grunted in pleasure.

"I love you too." he whispered into my skin.

Suddenly they was a commotion downstairs. Edward's lips stopped moving at the hollow of my throat. He sat up, totally aware.

There was a crash as something broke, a table maybe. I propped myself up on my elbows and my eyes shifted to the door.

Muffled shouts echoed from a room somewhere in the house. The shattering sound of glass breaking found it's way to my ears.

I clutched at Edward. "What's happening?" I asked. I looked at Edward's face, hoping to find a smile and hear him say, "Oh, it's just Emmett and Jasper, wrestling. Don't worry."

But when I looked at his face I saw absolute horror there. His mouth was turned down in a worried frown, his brow was creased, his eyes were wide in shock. He seemed to be listening to something. I realized it must have been someone's thoughts.

He quickly sprang from the bed and landed light as a feather on the floor. He turned towards me and covered my mouth with one hand while clutching me to his chest with his other arm. He stood there motionless.

My heart was in my throat. Something was very, very wrong. I could still hear shouting and running footsteps. I wanted to throw up because of my nerves. But these nerves were not the same as the ones I had experience as I walked down the aisle.

The air in the room began to smell unpleasant and strange. "What is that?" I asked Edward in the smallest voice I could manage.

"Smoke." he replied, his lips barely moving.

My heart hammered faster. Did that mean there was a fire somewhere in the house? What was happening?

"Bella?" Edward said. "Be very quiet." he whispered into the dark room.

His hands reached for the doorknob and he held me closer to his chest. "Just stay quiet and do exactly as I tell you. Everything will be all right." he said. His voice wavered slightly. His hand gripped the knob tightly as he turned it and opened the door.

The shouts became louder, the smell of smoke was stronger out here. I listened closely to the shouting. There were three or four voices. I recognized two of them as Carlisle and Emmett.

Edward crept slowly towards the stairs. His feet were perfectly silent as he walked down the first few steps.

My stomach was tense with fear. I held tightly to Edward. I wanted to cry so badly. The tears all ready stung my eyes. The smell of smoke grew slightly thicker now. I heard someone running towards us.

Edward flew down the stairs. I had to bite down on my tongue to prevent myself from screaming. I saw the front door coming into view. The sound of the pounding feet was loud in my ears.

Edward's arm was reaching out for the knob as something hard connected with us, throwing both Edward and I to the floor. My head connected with a hard surface. I wasn't sure if it was Edward or the floor.

"RUN!" I heard Edward shouting. He pushed me onto my feet. A loud growl erupt from his chest. "GO! RUN!" he shouted.

I did as he told me, I ran. Adrenaline rushing through my system. My legs pumped hard for about three seconds before I collided again with something hard. I looked up into the things eyes. A scream burst from my mouth.

"Well aren't you annoying." Jane muttered in her childish voice. "Get up." she demanded. I found my legs pushing me into a standing position. My eyes locked on Jane, my body was stiff and frozen. I could feel my heart hammering a million miles an hour. I tried to calm the beating, knowing all the vampires could hear the sound.

The smoke began to thicken the air. I flinched away from the horrible smell. I forced myself to look around. Where was the smoke coming from? Where was the fire?

Edward stood next to me. He looked like he wanted to touch me, but something seemed to be preventing him from doing so.

Alice and Rosalie rushed into the room. I looked quickly at the two girls. Alice glanced at Jane then to Edward and I. Her eyes were sad and apologetic. I guessed it was Alice's thoughts Edward had been listening to. I realized that Alice must have been trying to help us escape.

There was another crash toward the back of the house. Growls and snarling followed as Carlisle rushed in from the living room.

"Hello Carlisle." Jane's voice was bored sounding.

Carlisle didn't respond. His jaw was tight, his eyes alight with fury. I had never seen any of the Cullens this angry before.

"Bastards!" Emmett shouted and tore into the room. Demetri, Felix and Alec following closely behind. I watched in horror as the room began to fill up with vampires.

Edward tensed beside me. His hands balled into tight fists, his jaw was clenched. I could feel him restraining himself as Aro walked down the stairs.

"It's this just so . . . delightful?" Aro smiled at me. I wanted to throw up, scream, do something. The adrenaline in my veins was overwhelming. I felt like I was going to explode into a million pieces.

There was another shout from the back of the house. Alice disappeared before I had time to blink.

"Hello, dearest Bella." Aro said, his eyes locked on mine. "How have you been?"

"You promised us more time." Edward snarled angrily.

"Did I really?" Aro asked, pretending to be shocked. "Well then, I guess I lied." he came to stand in front of me, next to Jane.

"You can't have her." Edward said. I could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to control his anger.

"It doesn't seem that you want her." Felix said.

"You promised us more time than this!" Edward shouted.

"I suggest you get over it." Jane replied. "We are here because it does not seem that you have held up your end of the deal." her voice was hard and cold.

"You can't have Bella." Edward told her.

"You have not yet followed through." Jane told him. Her eyes were locked on his. I begged she wouldn't torture him again. I reached for Edward's hand.

There was an explosion of glass somewhere in the house. I noticed how hot it was getting. Somewhere, someone screamed. There was a crackle, the sound of flames. I looked around again but I still couldn't find where the fire was coming from. The smoke grew heavier in the air. It got a bit harder to breath.

From the corner of my eye I saw Edward nod his head slightly. I didn't know who he was nodding at.

Suddenly Emmett sprung into the air, followed by Rose. They collided with Aro and Jane.

"Bella, go!" Edward said and pushed be in the direction of the stairs. My legs moved without me telling them to and I shot toward the stairs.

I clumsily climbed the steps as more tears continued to push themselves over my cheeks. Growls erupted into the house, echoing against the walls.

A dark shape whipped itself over the railing and landed in front of me. Heidi smiled menacingly. She cocked her head to the side and snarled at me. "Aren't you all just a bundle of surprises." she said without much emotion.

"Get away from me!" I screeched.

Her rock hard arms wrapped around my torso, she held me tightly to her chest. "I've got you, pretty girl." she cooed. "Oh, you smell good. It's too bad I have orders. Otherwise I would suck you dry in an instant." I squirmed in Heidi's tight hold. But of course it didn't make any difference to her.

I felt her arms become even tighter around me. My lungs felt constricted and it was hard to breath. I looked down the stairs and found Emmett and Felix fighting. Their limbs were locked together. They moved across the floor as a blur. Rosalie almost seemed to be dancing with Alec and Demetri. She circled around them, swaying from side to side. Suddenly she became a blur as she crossed to the other side of the room where she continued to "dance" with the two male vampires. I panicked when I couldn't find Edward anywhere in the fighting.

I could feel the vibration from my heart against Heidi's hard, cold arm. She inhaled deeply as if she was savoring the smell of my blood. Her arms dug against my ribs, a short whimper escaped my throat. I pressed my eyes closed tightly against the pain.

Before I was aware that anything had happened, Jasper and Heidi were locked together. She bit at his neck as he shouted at me. "Bella, you have to go! Get out of here as fast as you can!"

I watched the two vampire fighting for a moment longer. Jasper shoved Heidi against the wall, creating a large crack.

I turned and ran up the stairs. I didn't have any idea where I would go from here. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a flicker of orange. Fire.

I struggled to take deep breaths of the air now filling with smoke. I coughed as it burned my throat and lungs. I heard more of the crackling now. The sound of fire eating wood. I coughed as I filled my lungs with the foul smoke that had quickly taken the place of air.

I crouched on the floor, trying to get away from the smoke. I could see Rose, Emmett and Jasper all fighting below me. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Edward were no where within my sight.

Alec looked away from Rosalie for a swift second and saw me crouching at the top of the stairs. Heidi tried to move away from Jasper. She attempted to throw herself at me, but Jasper held her tighter. She moved quickly to her left and sent them both rolling down the stairs.

Slowly the fire moved into the room below me. Huge flames licked at the walls, the door, Edward's piano. I couldn't stop myself from crying any more. The tears poured over and a few sobs shook me back and forth.

Carlisle and Esme ran into the room. "ARO!" Carlisle bellowed. The fire grew even stronger as it found more surfaces to consume. It crawled up the walls, making them black and charred.

I noticed that the fire was quickly beginning to surround me. It climbed up the stairs, turning the railing into a blackened mess. The popping and crackling was sharp and loud in my ears. But it still couldn't cover up the noise of the vampires snarling and growling.

I hadn't noticed Jane had been coming at me. "Bella!" someone from below screamed. Jane leaped toward me. I quickly rolled away, doing my best not to throw myself into the fire. Jane landed a few feet away from me. I knew she was playing with me, if she wanted me she could have me before I would even be aware of it.

Suddenly Alice appeared. She bound up the stairs and threw herself at Jane. The two small vampires rolled away from the fire. Alice pinned Jane to the floor with her legs. Even as she fought, Alice's movements seemed so much like dancing.

Alice turned her head in my direction. Her golden eyes were filled with heartbreaking pain. She seemed like she was apologizing when I was the one who should have been saying sorry. All of this was completely my fault.

Jane's arm swung up and cracked Alice in the side of the head. Alice's grip on Jane loosened for a second and Jane sprung to her feet. Alice snarled in rage. I had never heard such angry sounds coming from Alice before.

Alice's arms were locked with Jane's. She pushed Jane farther away from me, trying to drive her into the fire. I saw that Alice was trying to make it possible for me to run, escape. My body seemed frozen, I didn't think it was possible to move.

But then Edward's arms were wrapping around my waist and hauling me into the air. He sprinted down the stairs and past the other members of the Voltrui as Jasper, Emmett, and Rose held them off. Edward moved quickly past his piano, which was now bursting with flames.

He set me lightly on my feet and looked straight into my eyes. I knew he was angry beyond belief but I could see that sadness was overwhelming the anger. Edward cupped my face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Bella." he closed his eyes for a moment, as if somehow he could drive away the pain. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I'm so sorry." he said again.

I was about to tell him it was my fault and stop him from blaming himself but his lips were pressed against mine. He kissed me hard on the mouth. "No matter what, remember that I love you. I will _always _love you. Please Bella, never forget that."

I was sobbing now. I could barely see Edward through my blurry eyes. "I love you, too, Edward." I choked out.

"I need you to run, get out of here. Nothing else matters." You matter. I wanted to say. But Edward was gone before I could.

Jane was coming at me again. Her full lips spread into a snarling smile. Jane strode toward me slowly. Alice threw herself in Jane's path. Before I had the time to blink Alice was down on the floor, withering in unimaginable pain.

"NO! Stop!" I screamed. Jane didn't bother to look away from Alice. She smiled while she inflicted the pain. "STOP IT! Please!" I begged. "Alice?" I sobbed. "ALICE!"

The fire surged around me. Sweat covered my body, I couldn't breath very well in the smoke. I covered my nose and mouth with my hand. I couldn't control my sobs. I sucked in lungful after lungful of smoke. My throat turned raw as I coughed and gaged. I fell onto my knees. My head swivelled on my neck. I was lightheaded and couldn't draw breath into my body. I felt like I was going to faint.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Alice. She continued to wither in agony on the floor. My tears clouded my vision. Images of Edward on the stone floors in Volterra flashed through my mind. Now I watched helplessly as poor Alice went through the same thing.

"Stop." I begged meekly. I could tell Jane was not only enjoying Alice's pain, she was also enjoying mine.

"No!" Esme shouted. She saw were Alice was laying on the floor. Esme began to run toward us, a complete blur.

Before she could reach Jane another one of the vampires connected with her body. She flew sideways and crashed into the opposite wall. I saw that the vampire was Heidi. I looked wildly around for Jasper, who had been battling her only moments before.

I spotted him laying crumpled on the floor. He was silent and unmoving. His eyes were still open, staring at Alice.

Heidi cornered Esme. I could practically see the anger rippling through Esme's body. Heidi kicked Esme squarely in the chest. The blow would have killed a human, but it only caused Esme to stumble back a few steps.

I watched silently as Heidi threw herself at Esme again. Esme jumped away quickly and ran toward Jane again. She knocked Jane to the floor.

I glanced at Alice. She lay motionless on the floor in a crumpled pile. I couldn't see through my tears anymore. The world around me was a blur. The flames grew larger and engulfed more of the house. I just wanted to lay down and die.

I coughed more and more and the smoke suffocated me. My head was spinning around and around. I was going to faint at any moment. I couldn't breath anymore. The fire was using up all of the oxygen.

I heard the shouting all around me, the crackling of the fire. I heard Aro's sick laughter bouncing from wall to wall.

Jane and Esme thrashed at each other. I faintly saw Esme shoot me a pleading look. "Go, Bella! Go!" she screamed. As she and Jane became a blur. They tore at each other's limbs. Esme's scream rung out over every other noise.

Separate battles were being fought all over the house. I couldn't tell who had the upper hand in any of them. For less than a moment the battle seemed to stop. Emmet and Rose listened to their mother screaming in pain. I could feel their anger growing. Then the Voltrui attacked them, gaining the upper hand.

Esme's scream echoed in my head. I felt like I was living this through the eyes of someone else. Things were foggy and unclear. A beaten body rose in front of me. Other blurred forms rolled on the floor in combat.

Rosalie ran toward me and hauled me to my feet. "Bella, you must leave, now!" she pushed me toward the door. From where I was standing I had a clear path. I glanced backwards. Rosalie was now fighting wildly to keep Alec from me. He seemed distracted with Rose for a brief moment.

I didn't know what I was doing until I was all ready running. The door came clearly into view. I grabbed the knob and twisted, throwing myself into the darkness of the early morning. I ran and ran.

Something warm and hard wrapped around my shoulders. I screamed, looking up into the dark face of Jacob Black. "Shh, it's okay, Bella."

"I hate you!" I screamed, not exactly knowing what I was saying. I had no idea why Jaocb was still here. Why hadn't he bothered to help?

I pushed past him and ran on into the forest. I fell and tripped over sticks and stumps. My legs were bruised and bloodied. But I kept running. _"No matter what, remember that I love you. I will _always_ love you. Please Bella, never forget that." _I heard Edward's voice repeating again in my head.

I whipped around. Through trees I could see the Cullens house burning to the ground. And they were trapped inside. I sank to the ground, sobs racked my body. I pressed my palms against my eyes.

I could still hear Esme screaming. I could see Alice's sad eyes, and Jasper's staring at Alice and she cringed in agony. I could hear Aro laughing. I saw Rose racing to me, pushing me out the door. And Edward . . .

I sobbed and sobbed as everything replayed for me. It was like they were all trapped inside my head. Edward, Alice, Esme, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, the ones I loved. They had sacrificed themselves for me. And Jane, Aro, Heidi, Demetri, Felix and Alec, the ones I hated more then I could have hated anyone else. They had destroyed everything I had ever loved. They had ripped the meaning out of my life.

I wasn't aware of anything around me. I couldn't see anything besides the flicker of flames through the trees. I sat there as the tears flowed freely. I could do anything. My body was frozen where is was. My mind wouldn't work. I was stuck here forever.

The house continued to burn as the first light of dawn broke through the trees.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six- Hollow**

Now

I closed my eyes tightly. But it didn't do anything to stop the images of the fire. I pressed my palms against my ears. But it didn't stop Esme's scream from echoing inside my head. Even after two years, that night was still so fresh in my mind. The pain still fresh in my heart.

After all this time none of it made any sense to me. Why had the Voltrui come after me? Why didn't they give us more time? Why hadn't Alice seen them coming?

My head was throbbing with the painful thoughts. My thoughts drifted to Jacob. What had he been doing there that night? Why had he stood there in the woods, watching Edward and I? Did he enjoy torturing himself like that? Or was it only to cause me pain?

I closed my eyes tighter. I could still feel the way the twigs had snapped beneath my feet as I ran. I could feel Jacob's warm arms wrapping around me. I felt the fear and anger and pain that boiled in my stomach. I could still remember the look on his face . . .

I curled in on myself further. How had I let something like this happen? How could I have let them sacrifice themselves just for me? The Voltrui had wanted me, not them. I could have saved them all. But I was weak, I had run away.

I thought about Esme, how she had been so much like a mother to me. I saw the look on her face, a look of horror, as she watched Jane torturing Alice, as she saw that I might not make it free. Her voice was still clear in my head, just like everything else about that night. Time couldn't erase these wounds.

I thought of Alice, who was like my sister. Esme, Alice, Jasper Emmett Carlisle, Rose, they were all my family, _a part of me._

Edward . . . who was my other half. The air I breathed, my reason for being alive. He had become the world to me. My life revolved around him. He was the flame inside of me that pushed me on. I needed him more then anything in the world.

That night, it seemed like a thousand years while at the same time it seemed as thought it had just happened, the Voltrui had taken my reason for sanity. They had destroyed the ones I loved the most and taken from me all life.

I felt empty and hollow. I had come to depend on Edward and the rest of the Cullens. I had chosen my new life with them. The Voltrui had completely ripped that away from me. Leaving me with nothing.

I winced as the doctor stitched up the cuts on my stomach. I couldn't actually feel anything because of the emotional pain warring in my heart. I was sure that if a semi ran over my body and broke every single bone I still wouldn't feel a thing. Plus, I was drugged with pain killers. But this doctor reminded me slightly of Carlisle.

I tried to look away from his face, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. I shut my eyes quickly, as if I could wish hard enough and magically turn him into Carlisle Cullen. I had no such luck.

The doctor brushed a lock of his blond hair away from his eyes. "You should be just fine." he said and helped my sit up. He handed me my shirt. I had forgotten I had been laying there in my bra so he could stitch all the cuts. Funny how it didn't bother me at all. "If you don't mind, I'd like to have you come back in a few days. Just to make sure there isn't any infection." he smiled kindly at me. I flinched away from his gaze.

I had to get out of this room before I had a mental breakdown. I really didn't want to be visiting the psychiatric ward today.

"If you do start to feel any pain just take some Tylenol."

"Thank you, Dr. Mathews." I said and rushed out the door before he could say anything else.

As I walked through the halls the smell of disinfectants began to make my head spin. Or maybe it was only the nightmares waiting behind my eyelids.

The bright lights reflecting against the white walls was too much for my eyes. My head began to throb. I was thankful for the fresh air as I walked into the parking lot.

I quickly found my car and tried to remember how to drive. I opened the door, got in and shoved the key into the ignition. I pressed my forehead against the searing wheel and wrapped my arms around my body. I sat there for minutes and sobbed while the feeling returned to my belly.

As I drove I wondered how much more I could cry. Didn't I have to run dry sometime? I hope I would run out of tears soon. Because they did nothing the heal the pain that was eating away at me.

I slowly climbed the stairs up to my apartment. My legs seemed to be stiff sticks and I dragged my feet. I slowly worked my way up the stairs one step at a time. I pulled my keys out of my jeans pocket and unlocked the door.

I was so completely wrapped inside a blanket of pain and so used to living by myself that I didn't notice the three vampires standing in my living room.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven- Volterra?**

Now

I dug through one of the cabinets in the kitchen looking for the bottle of Advil. I popped two of the pills into my mouth and downed a glass of water. I took a deep breath and braced myself against the counter. _Keep it together._ I thought slowly. I just had to make it back to my bedroom without breaking all over the place.

"This place is a dump." a voice behind me said.

I whipped around to see Jane standing in the middle of my small living room. Demetri and Felix were reclined on my couch, totally at home. They acted as though they lived here.

"You haven't changed much." Felix said without looking up. "It's almost as if you had been bitten." he smirked.

My heart was beating blood through my veins at a record speed. "I thought you were dead." my whisper was barely audible.

"That was foolish of you." Jane muttered.

Anger and pain mixed with the fear, fueling my senses. "Do you know what you did?" I said through my teeth. More tears sprung to my eyes. I furiously brushed them away, I was not going to cry in front of these foul creatures. "Do you know how much pain you've caused me?! You took my life from me!" I shouted at them.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Calm down, you are being over dramatic. As far as I can tell, you are still very much alive."

"But we would like to change that." Alec suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Get out." I said weakly.

"No." Felix stood from the couch.

"You very well know what we want, Bella." Demetri said. "You know you can't stop us." he stood walked past Felix, a few steps closer to me. His dark red eyes were aflame with hunger.

"Demetri. Aro gave us orders. Do not hurt her." Jane said stiffly.

"I promise I won't kill her." he raised his hand and stroked my cheek softly. I quickly turned my head away. More tears sprung into my eyes. A few fell down onto the kitchen counter. "Why?" I asked in anguish.

"Do not play games with us Bella." Felix told me.

"Would you _all _stop playing." Jane demanded in a growl.

"Were are all feeling a bit testy." Demetri said. He turned to Jane. "Shall we make this quick?" he asked.

"That is exactly the point." she began to walk closer to me just as Demetri knocked my legs from beneath my body. My head hit the floor and everything became black as I slipped into unconsciousness.

I opened my eyes but the world around me was dark. My head felt like poles had been shoved through my temples. I struggled into a sitting position.

The hard stone walls behind my back were damp and cool. The room was dank and smelled strongly of mold . . . and blood. At the end of the room a door opened, a shard of very dim light pierced through the darkness.

"Get up." Demetri said and motioned for me to walk toward him. As I stood my muscles groaned. I had no idea how long I had been laying on the floor, I was guessing it had been quite a long time. I ground my teeth together to stop myself from groaning or crying out.

Demetri gripped my arm tightly and led me into the stone sewers. Memories hit me with a force so strong I almost stumbled.

While I walked through the tunnels with Demetri I could see myself walking through these same tunnels with Edward. The pain stabbed my heart. My first visit here had been a painful one, but not nearly as bad as this one was.

At least last time I Edward had been with me.

Demetri seemed iritated with my slow pace. I tried to force my legs to move faster but I wanted nothing more than to lay down on the cold floors and sleep for eternity.

Demetri and I reached the grate at the end of the tunnel. He briskly tugged me through the door of interlaced bars and through the thick wooden door into the brightly lit hallway. I blinked, my eyes against the light, and also, against tears.

I bit down on my lip and tried hard not to cry. I could not stop myself from shivering. My clothes were wet and clinging to my body. I felt weak and dehydrated. My entire body felt like a sack of rubbery bones as Demetri shoved me into the elevator at the end of the hall. The short ride seemed to stretch on for eternity.

We entered the room that seemed like a reception area. I glanced up at the mahogany counter where Gianna had sat the last time I had been here. But today she was no where in sight, the seat at the counter was empty.

Demetri practically dragged me down the hall. He stopped to slide a part of the paneling and shoved me through the wooden door into the stone antechamber. I swallowed hard as we walked into the huge room, bile raising in my throat.

Now the huge room was completely empty. My foot steps echoed slightly. The sunlight coming through the high windows was dim. It was either early morning or late afternoon.

Demetri practically threw me into the center of the room. I landed hard on my side next to the drain. He turned and left the room.

I laid on my back and tried not to scream. Fear was bubbling in my system, pain beat at my bones and my heart. I didn't know how much longer I could last without breaking down.

A few silent tears streaked my cheeks. I could clearly see Jane torturing Edward, I could see him withering on these stone floors. I could hear Aro greeting Alice and I as if he had know us forever. I remembered each moment I had spent here before. The moments when I had been reunited with Edward.

I gasped for air. The hole was tearing me wide open. Images of the fire flooded my mind again. I remembered in agony what a mess I had created. _"Could he have destroyed his own happiness more throughly?" _Edward had said on my eighteenth birthday, referring to Romeo. Somehow I felt like I had done the same. I had destroyed everything that gave me joy in life. I had destroyed everything that gave me _life._

There was a noise outside the doors, feet shuffling, a cough, muffled voices. My body stiffened. I felt adrenaline rushing through me, my breathing came faster. I prepared myself to do . . . something, even when I knew I stood absolutely no chance against the vampires. In my current condition I probably wouldn't have stood a slight chance against a child. Yet, I couldn't stop my heart from racing, my blood from pumping, or my stomach from tying itself in knots.

The doors were thrust open and Aro, Caius, and Marcus walked through. My stomach turned violently at the sight of the three vampires. Aro's sickening smile made me want to throw up. "Hello Bella!" he said, enthusiastically- as if there was nothing at all wrong with the world. The three brothers were flanked by Jane and Alec. The two siblings stood just behind their masters, dark crimson eyes locked on my face.

"We have a little surprise for you." Aro cooed after a moment.

"Are you really doing this, Aro?" Jane asked quietly. I thought it was unlikely for Jane to question her master's judgement. I felt even more sickened as I tried to imagine what this surprise could possibly be. I realized that I really didn't want to think about it. But that wouldn't stop my mind from wandering.

"Yes." Aro said and flashed me another smile. He turned to the doors again. "Demetri! Bring in the first one." he called cheerily. Aro seemed to be highly enjoying himself. Aro crossed to the thrones and sat down. Caius and Marcus joined him. Jane and Alec stayed where they were, resembling frightening marble statues.

_The first what?_ I thought in horror as the doors behind Alec and Jane were opened once again. Demetri walked in, dragging a body with him. At first glance I thought it was a dead body, but then the feet stumbled along. The head moved, the creatures eyes connected with mine.

In that moment my heart stopped in agony. _No! NO! _Tears of anger and torture sprung into my eyes and poured over my cheeks. Demetri tossed the creature down in front of me. It's body slumped, looking broken and battered.

I gazed into the vampire's eyes. They were filled with pain, torment, sadness. Not a single happy or good emotion lay within these eyes. They were dark, the irises beginning to turn slightly crimson. There was only a tiny trace of gold left.

The creature I was staring at was _Edward. _

His bronze hair was wet, matted, and plastered to his face. His clothes were dirty and ragged. He looked seriously underfed, his eyes were wild with the craving for my blood. He moved slightly, but something seemed to be holding him back. He looked like even the smallest movements caused him pain.

The worst part was his eyes. They were completely dead. He didn't even recognize me.

I forced myself to sit up. I bit down hard on my lip to stop the sobs. Tears continued to roll down my face. I reached out to brush my fingers against his tortured face. But Edward hissed and flinched away before I even came in contact. "Oh, Edward." my voice sounded strangled through the heavy tears.

"Isn't he just lovely, Bella?" Aro chimed behind me.

I whipped around to face him. "What have you done?" I asked, trying hard to keep my voice under control.

Aro stood and walked toward me. He placed his palm against my cheek. The merriment drained from his face as he searched through my thoughts. "I can promise you, it isn't that bad." he said and the smile returned to his lips.

I surprised myself by laughing. It was a harsh and venomous sound. "You bastards." I spat, not caring if I provoked him. I felt my heart breaking. I couldn't possibly manage feeling relief now, not when Edward was like this. Not when I knew he would be _thankful_ to be dead.

Aro returned to his seat and stared up at the ceiling, he pretended not to be watching me.

Edward was still sitting crumpled on the floor in front of me. His gaze was feral and frightening. He didn't see me as someone he knew, or as someone he loved, or even as a human. I was just food. His next meal- and nothing more.

In his eyes I could see the two years of torture he must have gone through. I couldn't imagine what the Voltrui must have done for him to be like this. I didn't want to think about it. But when I looked into his eyes I couldn't help it. His eyes were so broken. Nothing of who he had been remained, or if it did it was buried somewhere deep, deep inside. Edward had lost himself. He had been broken and beaten and tormented. Now it the only thing left of him was this blood thirsty shell of a being.

The ache to wrap him in my arms and hold him was overwhelming. The pain of knowing he didn't love me was killing me. I couldn't breath, I couldn't see clearly through my tears. I couldn't stand to see Edward like this. I couldn't stand being alive knowing what pain he was feeling. I wanted to take him far away from here. But I was powerless, there was nothing I could do to help him. Our fate was in the hands of the Voltrui. That gave me the sickest feeling.

Edward continued to stare at me with hunger in his eyes. I watched as his eyes traveled to the pulsing veins in my neck, my chest where he could hear my heart beating inside my rib cage. I could feel him longing to drink from me. The smell of my blood was overpowering him.

"Edward." I whispered his name. He looked at my lips, not even hearing his name. "Edward . . ." I begged. "Please." I didn't know what I was begging for, only that I wanted him back.

I stretched out my arm with difficulty as my whole body continued to shake. My fingers extended toward Edward. A growl reverberated deep in his chest, but he let my place the tips of my fingers against his cheek.

For a moment he seemed afraid, of what I wasn't exactly sure, then the craving for blood overwhelmed him once again. He struggled to stop himself from bitting into my arm. He started at my wrist, where I knew he could see the blood moving, hear it rushing through my veins.

I hated the fact that I was torturing him now. I looked up at Jane and Alec. This seemed to be what they wanted me to do. They enjoyed watching Edward struggle to control his hunger. I knew they wouldn't let him harm me, because once he began to drink from me there would be no stopping him. Part of me had a feeling they didn't really want me dead, but another part said they didn't care.

I pulled my hand away from Edward's cheek and looked into my lap. What was I going to do. I knew that in reality there was nothing I could do. They Voltrui and tortured him, taken his sanity, he was no longer the Edward I knew and loved. He was something completely different now. I knew that I couldn't save him. He couldn't even remember who I was.

My shoulders sank further, my fists curled into tight balls. "Why?!" I screamed. I felt like someone had plunged sharp knives into my heart. "How could you do this to him?!" I shouted. My voice echoed off the walls, harsh, angry, and scared.

"He did this to himself." Alec said bitterly.

"No! You did this to him!" I cried. I pounded my fist against the stone floor. My arms shook with the impact, rattling my bones.

Jane nodded to Demetri, I watched silently as he left the room. Fear pitted itself in my stomach. I waited for him to return to the room for what seemed like hours.

Finally the doors were opened once more. Demetri returned. He walked into the room, shoving three forms in with him. He jostled them to stand slightly behind Edward. I looked up into the faces of Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice. Demetri gave Alice another shove and she fell to her knees with a broken cry.

She looked into my eyes and I returned her gaze. Her eyes were dark with hunger. Alice was just barely sane enough to know who I was.

Jasper bent to help Alice stand again. She wrapped her arms around him for support and buried her face in his chest.

Jasper's irises were dark crimson at the edges and black toward the pupil. I could almost smell the blood coming from him. He didn't look directly at me, I knew that he had almost no control over his hunger. But I could still tell that he knew who I was. He hugged Alice tighter to his chest. She was the only thing keeping him sane, and he was the only thing keeping her sane. They were not like Edward because through all of this they had still had each other. Edward had had no one.

I slowly turned my head toward Carlisle. His eyes, too, were dark with hunger. But not crimson like the others. Even now he had still refused to drink human blood. But he looked just as tortured as the others. His eyes were brimming over with agony.

I wanted to reach out and wrap them in my arms, but even the little distance between us was too far to cross. And Demetri stood in my way.

A new wave of tears clouded my eyes. I glanced from Alice to Jasper to Carlisle. Where were the other? Esme, Rose and Emmett- where were they? I looked at Carlisle, the unanswered question between us.

Carlisle looked me in the eye and shook his head, answering my question. I sat there for a moment, shocked and not registering what I had just been told.

Then everything really clicked into place.

My body bent toward the floor in suffering, sobs shook me over and over again.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight- Broken**

Now

_No!_ I wouldn't allow myself to believe it. It couldn't be true, they just couldn't be dead. But I knew they were. Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett had sacrificed themselves to save me. It was my fault they were dead.

"Isn't this a cheerful family reunion." I could barely hear Aro over my thoughts.

It was my fault they were dead. _My fault! _All of this was my fault. I was the reason for all this pain.

I looked into Edward's eyes once more. I was the reason he had ended up like this. And I couldn't change any of it. I couldn't bring Esme and Rose and Emmett back to life. I couldn't erase the years of torture from Edward's, Jasper's Alice's, and Carlisle's minds.

"It's not hopeless." Alice whispered to me.

I looked up into her pain filled eyes. I wanted to believe what she said, I wanted that so badly. But I couldn't. Because I knew it was.

Alice broke away from Jasper and walked toward me. Demetri looked like he was going to stop her, but then he let her pass. Alice flung her arms around me. "Bella, we will get out of this, I promise. It will be all right." she murmured so only I could hear.

I began to cry again. I wrapped my arms around Alice's neck and sobbed into her shoulder. She smelled horribly of blood and decay, but I didn't care in the least. I hadn't seen Alice in two years, now I was going to hang on tight for as long as I could.

"I missed you, Bella." she said.

I wanted to tell her how much I had missed her too, how I had thought her dead. I wanted to tell her how much I really wanted to believe that everything would be all right. But my tears overpowered me once again.

A hand rested lightly on my cheek. I looked up through my blurry eyes to see Carlisle crouching in front of me. There was a faint glimmer of a sad smile somewhere within his eyes.

"I so sorry." I managed to choke out through the tears. I suddenly remembered what it had felt like when Edward had left me, and then how I had felt when I had watched the Cullens house burning down, how I had thought Edward was dead.

Esme was gone, she was dead. I had taken everything from Carlisle. I could only imagine the pain that must have been tormenting him on the inside.

"Hush, Bella." he whispered calmly.

I quickly buried my face in Alice's shoulder. I just wanted to disappear. I didn't deserve to be alive and after all the pain I had caused I didn't deserve to be given a quick death.

I could feel Alice's body tense as she breathed in the scent of my blood. She continued to hug me, but I could feel how hard it was for her.

"I'm so sorry, Alice." I whispered.

Alice unwrapped her arms from around me and looked me in the eye. "No, Bella. You have nothing to be sorry for." she said fiercely. I wanted to look away from her. I could clearly see the pain in her eyes. Alice turned her head away so I wouldn't have to look at her.

Tears burned my eyes and I found it was hard to breath. I felt like I was sinking, farther and farther from the ones I loved. I wished I could stop the hurt that was eating away at them.

While I sat there sobbing, Aro stood and walked a few paces from us. "I think it is about time to conclude this family gathering." he turned to Demetri. "You may take them away now."

"No!" I shrieked. I wasn't going to be separated from them after just finding them again.

"Do not worry, dear Bella." Aro said and smiled down at me. Secrets were hidden within his eyes. "You shall be joining them. At least for now." he chuckled softly as Demetri began to drag Edward away from us.

"Edward?" I looked from Edward to Aro.

"I am sorry, but you cannot anymore time with your beloved." Aro replied.

"Where is he taking him?" I demanded. My voice was still weak and shaky.

"I cannot tell you that." Aro said and turned back to his seat. He stared at the wall across the room from where he sat.

Alice gripped my hand tightly and tried to give me a reassuring look. Demetri returned with Felix. Demetri exited the room with Carlisle and Jasper while Felix thrust Alice and I to our feet. Alice continued to grip my hand.

Felix pushed us into the hallway and placed the paneling over the door once more. I stumbled down the hall and past the mahogany desk and into the elevator where Demetri was waiting with Jasper and Carlisle.

Alice positioned herself between Jasper and I. Jasper looked over Alice's head and tried to smile at me in an apology. His jaw was tight with the effort to block out the smell of my blood. His eyes were dark and so hungry. Waves of sorrow and pity washed over me.

We were hustled out of the elevator and into the bright, white hallways. My eyes were blurry with tears as Felix and Demetri took us down into the sewers again. The iron door banged shut behind me. Everything became dark. I stumbled along, unable to see anything. I had no idea where we were going. I clung to Alice's hand and tried to stay standing.

"It will be okay." Alice whispered. I thought I heard Felix snort.

We walked for what could have been hours, or maybe it was only minutes. The dampness from my clothes seemed to have sunk into my bones. My head was screaming, I was achy and I couldn't stop the shivers that rang through my bones.

Finally Demetri and Felix stopped and I heard the sound of a lock clicking open. Alice's hand was torn from mine as she was shoved through the door way. I scrambled after her, my just starting to adjust to the darkness.

Demetri and Felix lead us through the door and into another stone room. I felt Alice slip her arm around me and pull me away from Demetri. I could hear the slight echo of my footsteps. I guess the room was pretty large, or at least the ceiling was high.

"Here, sit." Alice said and lowered me onto something soft. At least it was softer then the stones. "Just rest." she whispered.

"Don't go." I said.

"I won't, Bella. I promise." she sat next to me and wrapped her cold arms around me. I felt the silent tears rolling down my cheeks for continuous hours. Eventually I fell into a fitful sleep.

I opened my eyes to the dark room. My head and neck was screaming in pain from laying against Alice's shoulder at and awkward angle. I felt impossibly stiff as I sat up. Every muscle screamed, my joints popped and cracked. I tried to stretch my legs out, but pain shot from my feet into my hips. I tried not to whimper with the pain.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked. I tried to nod.

I looked around the room. I had been right about the ceiling being high. It was probably more then twenty feet above my head. But the room was not very wide.

I glanced around. Jasper was crouched in the corner farthest from me. His elbows were resting on his knees, he stared at the darkness. Seeing nothing, or nightmarish images.

Carlise was sitting a few feet away from Alice and I. His head was rested back against the stone wall, his eyes were closed. I could feel agony coming off him in waves. I looked away quickly.

The stone in the room was slightly damp. Frozen air seemed to push it's way from each stone. I could almost feel my body temperature dropping.

Images of Edward's face flashed in the darkness. The hunger in his eyes, the huger for my blood. I remembered how he didn't recognize me at all . . .

I needed answers.

"Alice?" I asked quietly.

"What is it?" Alice asked. I felt her body shifting next to me as she turned to face me.

"How did this happen?" I whispered. "Why did they do this to you? And, Edward . . . it's my fault." I said more to myself than to Alice.

"No, Bella. It's not your fault." she touched my arm lightly and sighed. "I don't know if you want to hear all of this," she paused for a moment.

"I want to know everything." I told her.

She didn't say anything for a moment. "Okay." I could faintly see her nodding her head. "But don't think that any of this is your fault. Ever."

I nodded my silent agreement.

Alice sighed deeply and looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. I could see the pain crossing her face as she began to think of everything that had happened. When she spoke her voice was quiet and broken. "After you left the house the Voltrui tried to follow you. They were so determined to get to you. Heidi and Demetri began to run after you. I had just regained consciousness. I could barely move, after what Jane had done to me. I was helpless. I laid there and watched it all. I was unable to process any of it. I could see Esme, dying in the flames. Her body was in parts, scattered on the floor." she paused for a moment before continuing. Her voice was even more solemn. "I could see everyone around me fighting, I could hear the screams, I could see the flames engulfing the whole house. I could see Rose running after Heidi and Demetri." Alice took a deep breath. "Rose really did care about you, Bella." Alice glanced at me with anguished eyes.

"While Rose was paying attention to Demetri and Heidi, Alec came from behind her. He . . . he _killed_ her. It looked so effortless for him. The way he tore her apart, and still managed to look graceful." Alice's voice oozed with anger and sadness. "Alec killed Rose with no thought to it. Killing is as easy for him as breathing is for you.

"Demetri had all ready fled to find Aro. Emmett completely lost it. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't- he ran after Heidi. They both died, Bella. Emmett killed Heidi just as Felix jumped upon him and began to slaughter him. I'll never forget the look on Emmett's face when he died." Alice folded in on herself and pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes.

"Everything seemed to be falling apart from there. The world seemed to stop, everything seemed to die in those short moments." Alice cringed away from the memories. "I wasn't able to think right, until one of the Voltrui came and threw me over their shoulder. They bolted from the house, leaving everything and everyone behind us. But then Jasper was racing from the house, followed by two guards. In that moment everything hit me. Everything I had lost, everything I could lose. Everything just clicked into place.

"Oh god, Bella. It hurt so much." if it was possible for Alice to cry she would have been right now. Anguish rolled from her in waves. "Jasper was racing after me, trying to get to me. Things happened in a blur. Everyone was fighting around me, but I couldn't do anything to help. Because no mater how hard I tried I couldn't get away.

"The Voltrui escaped the house, taking Jasper, Carlisle, Edward, and I with them." she crumpled further. "I tried to block all of this out. But no mater how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about the fire. The way Esme had died, how Emmett and Rose had died." Alice stood up fast. Painful growls erupted from her chest. She roared with anger and pain. "Ahh!" she cried and collapsed back down next to me.

"Alice!" I cried. I began sobbing uncontrollably. I could feel Alice shaking next to me. Jasper rushed to her side and wrapped her in his arms. _What. Have. I. Done?! _I thought savagely.

"I can still remember how tortured Edward was." Alice whispered. I could hardly hear her over my sobs. "He was sucked into the memories so quickly." Alice shook her head back and forth, as if trying to clear away the unwanted images. "He was so, so broken. The Voltrui didn't even have to try and torture him, he did it all to himself. But they went on a tortured him anyway. They tortured us all." Alice doubled over, as if she could still feel the pain. Jasper stroked her hair softly. He was tense and filled with sadness and torment. I suddenly say each of them withering on the floor, held captive in oceans of pain, by Jane. I could see her working her "gift" on them. I could feel their endless torment. Both physical and mental.

"It continued for the longest time." Alice was breathing heavily from the memories. "The locked us away, day and night we all thought constantly about the fire, about you, about everything lost to us. In time I began to wish I would die. I begged them, Jane, Aro, Alec, Marcus, Caius. I begged them all to kill me. But they enjoyed to see us suffer." Alice curled deeper into Jasper's arms.

"They starved us for the longest time after we arrived here." Jasper said. I could hear the broken threads in his voice. I could hear the pain that rode on every word he spoke. "We could have all died from starvation. We hadn't had blood in so long. Then one day they brought us into the feeding room, it was filled with humans." he flinched. "I couldn't bare it. I _had_ to have them. I couldn't control my hunger. I killed so many of them. I crushed every chance I had ever had of controlling my hunger." Jasper whispered in pain. "We all broke down eventually. Except for Carlisle." Jasper turned to his father for a moment.

"I resisted the human blood." Carlisle said to me from the darkness. His voice was quiet, he seemed to be a shadow. Maybe that was what they had all turned into, shadows. They weren't the real thing anymore, just some type of dark leftover.

"I knew I was going to die without the blood." Carlisle continued morbidly. "But I wasn't going to let the Voltrui see me drink from the humans. It was hard to resist. We were all so hungry. I don't blame the others for having to drink." his eyes met Jasper's. "I was surprised when the Voltrui brought me animals. Apparently they didn't want to see me die. This didn't see to like the idea of any of us dying. Torturing us was so much more satisfactory."

Jasper turned back to me. His eyes met mine, they were sad, dark, painful. What he had to say broke me even further. "Edward was too absorbed in the pain to smell the human blood when the Voltrui brought us to feed. I thought he was going to die. Edward's body was there, but he wasn't. Edward has been gone for a long time, Bella. There is nothing left of him anymore."

I could feel the anger, and torment coming from all of them. Alice was still shaking in Jasper's arms. I wanted nothing more than for this whole nightmare to be over, I wanted to run away with my family, crawl into Edward's arms and never leave. I was stabbed with pain as I thought of Edward. _My love._

I thought about what Jasper had just told me. Edward wasn't there anymore. Any hope of crawling into his arms ever again was crushed and buried.

"I don't know how it all got out of hand so fast." Alice whimpered into the silence. "We should have been able to do something about it. I should have been able to save them all! I should have seen it coming." Alice looked up at me. "Bella, I couldn't see any of it coming. I didn't see the Voltrui until it was much too late, until they were all ready in the house. I didn't see Jane killing Emse, or Alec killing Rose, or Emmett being killed by Felix.

"I remember seeing you running through the woods in my head. But only faintly. There was so much going on that night. But why didn't I see it coming!? I could see you and Edward trying to get away before the Voltrui attacked you. I saw you both falling to the ground moments before it happened. I don't understand. I should have been able to prevent it! I should have seen it all when the Voltrui began the planning to attack us! But I didn't . . ."

"Jacob . . ." I muttered.

Alice's eyes shot up to my face. "What?" she asked. Jasper's brow creased, he was deep in thought.

"Jacob." I said again, more sure now. I swallowed another sob. I tried to make my voice loud enough for the others to hear. "That's why you couldn't see anything, Alice. Jacob was there." I whispered, in shock. "He was there, at the wedding. Then I ran into him, when I was running. I never thought about it before. I was still so scared. My only thoughts were of all of you, stuck inside the burning house." my voice quivered as I tried not to cry. My throat was burning. The tears in my eyes puddled on my all ready tear-soaked cheeks. "Jacob was there. That's why you didn't see the Voltrui. _How_ could he do this to me?" I whispered in anguish. Anger began to roll over me.

We sat in stunned silence for a moment. "Bella, I can't imagine he would do something like that. Even for revenge. Being in the woods during the wedding is one thing . . . but being in league with the Voltrui is something else entirely." Carlisle said softly. Trying to make sense of things and comfort me at the same time.

Sobs broke through my chest yet again. I looked through blurred eyes into the darkness that surround me. I could clearly see Jake's face appear in the stone walls. "Nothing else makes sense. He must have known what they were doing." I cried. "He must have helped them plan all of it!" I wasn't sure my heart could have broken anymore then it all ready had, but I thought I could still feel it inside my chest, breaking into even smaller pieces. My heart crumbled away to a pile of dust. _How could this be?_

"No." Alice said. I looked up at her questionably through my tears. "No." she repeated. "Jake might not have helped them at all," she thought for a moment. "All the Voltrui had to do was decide to include him in the plan somehow. Jacob would have never sided with vampires. He would have never tried to hurt you like that."

"Alice, he just stood there! He didn't try to help any of you _at all!_" I yelled. "Why would he freely go with the Voltrui to watch them destroy everything that meant anything to me?"

"I don't know, Bella. I really don't know. But I just can't imagine he would do something like that. I don't like the kid, but I don't think he has a heart that hard. I also think he loves you. He wouldn't ever be able to bring himself to do something like that."

I didn't care. I couldn't even bring myself to blame Jake. I knew Alice was right, he wouldn't have been able to plan something like that. I knew Jacob wasn't evil. Although it was the only logical thing, I couldn't make myself think that it was Jake's fault.

Because I knew all of this was my fault. I told myself that over and over. I curled in on myself and sobbed. Edward's face flashed before my tightly closed eyes over and over.

I could feel myself breaking open, splitting into tiny pieces and floating away into the dark room.


End file.
